Thoughts from My Heart

So much has happened the last few months, and during that time, I felt as though I was in a fog, or a cold, dark cave. I am finally emerging and feeling renewed and hopeful once again. I had thought that things were improving several weeks ago - and they were - but it was merely a change of a few circumstances, not the cure for the problem. I heard a long time ago that for many of us, we cannot escape our problems, because we are our problems. The saying was, "Wherever you are, there you are." When I suffered unknowingly with PPD almost 13 years ago, I thought my problem was my location. "If I move from here, I'll be okay." I thought. But it didn't work. I took my problem with me - ME! I came back to familiar territory and faces, but my problem still existed, for it was in my own body. Likewise, a few weeks ago, my situation improved, but I didn't feel the relief, joy and peace that I had expected. Instead, I still felt alone, empty and sad. 

So, I did what I knew to do: get in God's Word and pray! One particular day, I came before Him in tears, with no words to say. Just grief. I asked the Lord to please DO something! Please help me! I had already read my daily Bible reading, but still didn't feel "full"; I needed more. I opened my Bible up randomly, asking God to show me what I needed. It opened to Psalm 109: 1-4

Hold not thy peace, O God of my praise; For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened against me: they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.They compassed me about also with words of hatred; and fought against me without a cause. For my love they are my adversaries: but I give myself unto prayer.

This passage was for me; David felt the way I was feeling! It seemed as though no matter what I did, even when I showed love to people, they continued to be my adversaries! What's a girl to do? I asked the Lord that question, and He gave me an answer: give yourself unto prayer. Pray. A lot. That's what I did. I prayed, I purposely changed my thoughts, I made myself get busy, and it has made all the difference. 

This time, my circumstances have not changed, but I have. 

As I sit here enjoying my quiet house, with the sunshine streaming through the window and birds singing outside, it's easy to feel as though I've licked my troubles. I know better though. I know the test comes in the darkness, when the baby is screaming and the kids are quarreling and someone breaks my favorite dish! I know I have not arrived. I hope I have grown a bit, though. God recently answered a prayer of mine, and I am so grateful! I hate to admit it, but I was wondering where He was, and what I had done to warrant such a long silence from Him. I asked His forgiveness for doubting Him, for being such a wimp about things. What a joy to be forgiven! 

I've been jotting down some notes over the last few weeks and I am compiling them in a series called "Ministry Musings". I'm planning to start posting them here very soon. It's nothing profound, just some lessons I've learned over the last 13 years. I will not have a place for comments on those posts, I just want to be a blessing and an encouragement to other ladies. If you need to contact me regarding that series of posts, feel free to email me (please see the "Contact Me" page, above). If they are a blessing, perhaps you could pass it on to someone else. 

Thank you so much for reading. I don't know why you do, but I'm glad you do! 

Blessings,

For Leslie Anne

Leslie Anne, what shall I say?

You brighten each and every day!

Your tender smile, your gentle way 

Is a comfort to me, come what may.

Your lady-like spirit, quiet and meek,

You most of all do quietly speak.

You've loved to read and learn and grow,

Our Savior you do want to know.

I love the notes in church you write,

You listen to Dad with all of your might.

You stoop down to help others in need,

Your little heart breaks to see a sibling bleed.

You care so deeply for those all around,

I look for great things in you to abound!

I pray you'll live right and follow God's ways,

That you'll honor and love Him all of your days.

It seems only yesterday you were so small,

Not walking or running or talking at all.

And now, look at you! Seven years old!

The days of your life are yet to be told.

Please know that I treasure these fast fleeting days,

From rocking to reading - I love every phase!

Wherever you go, whatever your plan,

I will always love my sweet Leslie Anne! 

~VCB~

Happy birthday to the sweetest seven year old I know! :) 

Happy Mother's Day!

To those of you with one child or ten, with babies or adults, or even if yours are in heaven now, I wish you a blessed Mother's Day. Thank you for your sacrifices. Thank you for enduring the heartache and heartbreak that you have. Thank you for striving forward, when all that is in you wants to slow down or quit. To those of you that are Titus 2 women, thank you for blazing a path for those of us still trying. To those of you just beginning, don't lose heart, with Christ's help, the job can be done.

Many times, your comments here have kept me going during long, lonely days. Thank you so much. I hope to encourage you as you have me!

Me and the children, Mother's Day, May 13, 2012

Me, my mom, Carolyn, and the children before the Mother/Daughter banquet at her church.

All of the ladies, ready for the banquet! :) 

God Bless,

A Few Math Reviews

I admit it: I hate, no, I despise math! This strong dislike began when I started learning the multiplication facts in third grade. Our Christian school had a skeleton crew, so drilling and practice wasn't enforced with regularity. I also failed to memorize addition and subtraction facts until I was much older...like, when I started teaching my oldest child to memorize them! There were plenty of opportunities to apply myself and learn math better over my educational years, but I decided reading and writing would be so much more fun! So, that's what I did.

Enter, homeschooling.

When I began teaching our daughter, who is now entering the 8th grade, I used a packaged curriculum which was more advanced in math than what I had used as a youngster. By the fourth grade, I was worn out! We had to drill constantly with this program! Not just addition and subtraction, but also multiplication and division! There were a zillion steps to teach for each math concept, visuals galore and then I had to have other manipulatives besides! Felt animals & shapes, counters, number flashcards, felt numbers, coins and on and on. Then, there were papers to grade and tests to administer.

Exit, exhausted mom and sad daughter.

I began searching for something else, something better, and preferably affordable. I searched, and searched. I've tried many math programs over the last nine years of my homeschooling career (Hey! I have a career!), and I thought I would share them with you in the hopes that it might help other moms who hate math as much as I do.

Allow me to say here that drilling is necessary for the mastery of basic math facts. There's no way around it. However, there are other ways to do it besides spending half an hour flipping cards or reciting facts aloud. There is an app available for the Kindle Fire (and other electronic devices, too, but I use the Fire) that is a flashcard program. It can be set for all four operations. It cost me a dollar. It's been the best dollar I've ever spent. There are also worksheets that can be purchased or printed that are designed for timed practice. These are excellent options which will free up the busy mom of one, or ten!

So, without further ado, here are the programs I've used, in the order in which they appeared in our classroom.

Abeka 
Overview: This is a great program for the mom who enjoys being with their student during the entire math lesson. They have detailed lesson plans that tell you exactly what to say, what to do, what to think. Okay, not what to think. Just checkin' to be sure you're awake, after all, this is a post about math! ;) They have diagrams and examples and step-by-step instructions on how to introduce the new concept. There may be a song, poem or motions to teach your child.
Each day begins with the speed drill (1st grade and up). Next, practice flashcards. After that, teach the lesson. This may include a game, or an object, or just chalkboard work. Often, the plans encourage you to use objects. This is great, but time consuming. Lastly, your child does the workbook pages. This is one page for Kindergarten, two for first grade and above.
What I liked: The lesson guides were very clear. My daughter mastered her facts quickly and we felt very smart because we were advancing at a nice pace. It was very thorough.
What I didn't like: The amount of time I had to be there to watch over her or help her. As she progressed, and as I added children, the time I spent teaching math consumed my life. The workbooks are not self explanatory. Also, the books do not review very well. You may learn a new concept in lesson 47, review it till lesson 54, then not see it again until lesson 108.
Summary: Because I couldn't afford the cost of a mental hospital, I decided to see what else was out there.


BJUPress
This was my first attempt at moving to a curriculum that gave me more free time. Boy, did I blow it! BJUPress is very much like Abeka! In fact, aside from a few terms that were different (they use the term "re-grouping" when Abeka used  borrow and carry, for instance), they were exactly like them! The teacher must explain every lesson. They also have lesson guides, but I found them harder to follow than Abeka's. I can't give a decent review because when I realized what I'd done, I sold it all on Ebay! (I had purchased it used, thank the Lord!)

ACE (School of Tomorrow)
Overview: Each grade consists of twelve workbooks, called PACEs. The student sets a goal of pages to complete, each PACE should take about 3 weeks to complete. The student reads the instructions in the PACE, does the problems, scores said problems and that's that. Well, that's supposed to be how it works.
What I liked: The independent way in which the work could be completed! I loved that my children could take the pace, read it, do it, grade it and leave me completely out of it.
What I didn't like: The tears from my children. The way they came to me for help all. the. time. The way I couldn't follow their instructions, and being weak in math, couldn't really help them. I could see the answer in the key, but not always the complete solution.
Summary: The children's overwhelming discouragement, along with my own, forced me to look for greener pastures.

Math-U-See
Overview: The raves that I'd heard over this program made it a logical choice. There is a DVD with a short lesson for the parent to view and then teach to the student themselves, or for the student to view on their own. They have these awesome blocks to illustrate the concepts. They build, step-by-step. Each year focuses on one operation. For instance, first the student works on addition. This would probably be first grade, but can be done any year. The books are named after the Greek alphabet rather than grade level. Next is a book on subtraction, then multiplication, division, fractions, decimals, etc.
What I liked: The fact they could watch the lesson and then do the problems. The lessons were very quick and easy, which made my children happy. The younger ones loved the blocks...to play with them, that is. ;)
What I didn't like: My one child who is good at math was bored! Both of my older children didn't want to use the blocks. Even my first grader didn't like them, viewing them as "one more thing to do". The children grew bored doing the same concept over and over even when I let them move on when they'd mastered a concept. A few of the teacher's lessons were very confusing. I'd watch them over and over and still didn't get what he was saying. The same was true for my daughter. Did I mention I was poor at math? Yeah, I thought so. This might be why I didn't understand a few of the lessons.
Summary: I was blessed to get some of these books for free from a friend, and I happily passed them on to others who can benefit from their use better than I.

Saxon DIVE CD
Overview: This is a traditional program. It does not rely on the teacher to explain the lessons, but that is probably the best way to do it. This program builds incrementally, much like Math-U-See, but reviews more than any other program I've tried. I tried to teach the lessons myself to my 7th grader, but quickly became bogged down. That's when I purchased the DIVE CD. It was a life saver! The teacher explains each Saxon lesson and then the student does the problems in the book. The titles for the books are a bit confusing. The last number in the book name tells you the grade. So, Saxon math 8/7 is the seventh grade book. 5/4, or 54 is the fourth grade book, and so on.
What I liked: The constant review of previous lessons! Why learn so much math if you're not going to use it consistently? The teacher for the DIVE lessons is very through and easy to follow. I also like that they do a timed speed drill sheet each day.
What I didn't like: There are a lot of problems in each lesson. It often takes my daughter (doing the 8/7 book) three hours to complete a lesson - viewing the CD and working homework. The grading is often tedious, as well. There are 30 problems, and it's not uncommon for them to have 3 or more problems within a problem. Bleck.
Summary: The jury still out on Saxon. As of now, I'm planning to go forward with it.

Life of Fred
Overview: Meet Fred Gauss (rhymes with "house"), a five year old college professor, who teaches math like no one ever has. Stanley Schmidt, Ph.D., has written an entire math curriculum which is a story. A story with math problems included. We see Fred use math in his everyday life, and we learn why he's using it, too! It's truly a unique curriculum. The author is hilarious! Honestly, I love reading his books just for the humor of it. They are hardback books that can be re-used over and over. For more information, go HERE.
What I liked: The cost - books range in price from $16 - $39! That's cheap! I liked (really, really liked) that my daughter wanted to do the book. She finished the Fractions book in a little over a month. I stopped using Fred for a while, because it didn't feel like work, so it couldn't be any good. (Yes, that was my reason. Math must be hated. It must be loathed. So, this couldn't be math!) I was wrong but wouldn't know it for a while. It happened like this:

My oldest daughter struggled with fractions for a long time, that's why I paid the $19 for the fractions book from Fred. She worked it. She loved it. I thought I'd wasted my money. Then, we switched over to yet another curriculum (from above list). She worked fraction problems - long, drawn out, complicated, made-her-mother-want-to-cry-just-grading-them kind of fraction problems! And she never missed one. Ever.

I said, "Wow! You are a pro at fractions! I've never been good at them and I'm intimidated by them even today. I'm so proud of you!"

Her reply? "Life of Fred."
Me: "What?" (said in shock)
Lauren: "Life of Fred. He taught me fractions, that's why I know them."

Wow.

What I didn't like: Not a thing.
Summary: We use Fred periodically, but not solely. I may change my mind on that, however. My daughter is now struggling with decimals, so guess what we're doing this summer? :)  I'm planning on using the Apples book with my Kindergartener and second grader this year, just to see how it goes. I'll keep you posted. :)
*image credit

The Blessings of Persecution

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

A lot of Christians are concerned about the state of government affairs. And I don't blame them. The outlook for our religious liberties as never been more grim. I admit that when I take time to dwell on thoughts of the future, I feel frightened. I enjoy breathing, and I enjoy my all-too-often gluttonous lifestyle. I would hope that if I were called upon by my Savior to give up these creature comforts, and perhaps even the act of breathing itself, that I would willingly make such a sacrifice. But I cannot presume to be so bold.

I thought for a moment on what might religious persecution bring to our country?

1. It might force parents to quit their jobs and educate their children at home, to protect their children from propaganda that could be presented at government schools. That would mean fewer people would be out spending money and texting. Fewer people would be buying new cars and eating out. Instead, they'd be home cooking together, reading together, laughing and even crying together. I fail to see how this would be a bad thing.

2. Persecution toward Christians would immediately reveal the true Christians. I don't know about you, but I'm more than a bit weary of women claiming the name of Christ while revealing their breasts. I'm sick of hearing the name of Christ used when one is surprised that a certain team won the Super Bowl. I cannot believe the number of homosexuals who claim to be saved! I know of one "Christian" who left his wife for another woman. He told all of his friends that he left her due to "irreconcilable differences". Hmm. Yep, that other woman in his life would be called an "irreconcilable difference" to his wife. We all saw the real "Joe" for who he was through his Facebook account. Yep. I think if that guy, and others like him were called upon to face persecution, they'd probably just own up and admit they hate Christ with their mouths. Their lives are saying it already. Wouldn't it be nice to have some consistency? I think so.

Now, before you say "You're judging!" Let me say, "Yes, I am." But, I'm not judging you using myself as the standard. I'm a sinner, too. I'm doing all I can each and everyday to tame my flesh and my tongue and live right. No, I'm judging others using God's Word as the standard. If you'd like to know how to spell a word, or what a word means, you look it up in a dictionary. Likewise, when I see someone who is claiming Christ, I look them up in the Bible to be sure. I want to be friends with Christian people, I need godly friends, but if I can't find you in the pages of God's Word, then I know you're not the person to hang around. Do I treat you badly? No, not at all. Do I pray for you? Love you, even? Yes! I do! But I need the strength and encouragement that only true believers can give; I want to spend time with those who strive (and yes, we ALL struggle) to live for Christ in each and every area of their lives - private and public.

3. It would force us to read and memorize God's Word if it were being taken from us by the government. You know, I'm sad to say that I haven't consciously memorized Bible verses on my own in years. I need to do more of that. We encourage little ones to put God's Word in their hearts, but adults should do it also. Putting God's Word inside of our minds is wise at every stage of life, and it may become a necessity!

4. Persecution would encourage fathers to lead their homes. What if you had to have church in your basement, in obscurity, with only a few neighbors? Could the man in your family give a message or lesson from God's Word? All saved men should know God's Word, inside and out, and be able to testify at any time, especially to their families.

5. Much of the activity in our churches would be revealed for the "fluff" that it is. I enjoyed youth activities very much as a teen. But, I could have survived just fine spiritually without that trip to go roller skating, or the volleyball game, or the hayride. Activities with other believers is great and wonderful, but if it's all we care about, perhaps persecution would show us that it's better to know God's Word than to go bowling. Or putt-putt golfing. I also enjoy the special singing in churches, in fact, I've sung a few solos myself over the years. But, Christ is just as pleased with the voice from the pew as He is with the one on stage. The a capella hymn sung by a few believers in a basement brings just as much honor the Lord as the piano, guitar, organ and choir at church.

6. We might be imprisoned for our beliefs. This, to me, would be dreadful. Being separated from my children because of my love for Christ...I shudder to think! Could I do it? I can only trust that God's grace would help me to be faithful and to sustain me through such a trial.

7. We could be called upon to die for claiming the name of Christ. That means we would immediately be escorted to our eternal home, Heaven. We would see Jesus! No more death, divorce, tears, fear, thieves, liars, hypocrites, pain, and I could go on!

Am I for persecution? As I said before, no, not at all. I hope to worship my Savior openly and freely for as long He lets me live. But I know this, if He allows persecution, I can see some definite positives that can come from it. And, I believe that even the threat of persecution does some good. It forces us to be thankful for that which we have now. I'm thankful for the musicians at church, for the ability to go door to door and tell people about Jesus, for youth activities and ladies fellowships and for specials at church! I'm happy that I can take my Bible anywhere without fear. Yes, I have much to thank God for.

I'm tired of being afraid of the November election. I'm tired of listening to the liberal media. I choose to look to the One who died for me.

Now I See

I remember hearing my home pastor, Bro. Ken Graham, say many times over the years, "Don't judge other people in church. You have no idea what that person is going through. It may be all they can do to sit there and hold up their head." I remember marveling over that thought! Could it be a person is so burdened down by a problem that they can barely walk in to church, or hold up their head? I trusted his word on the matter completely, but didn't understand it.

As a grown woman, I still puzzle over things, especially biblical things. I marvel over the Savior's love for me! I wonder how He could do it? How could HE love ME? I don't understand it, but I trust Him completely on this matter. And I'm so grateful!

However, I do now, after some fifteen years, finally understand Bro. Graham's admonition not to judge others. I know firsthand that the burdens of life can, in fact, press so heavily that one can barely hold up their head, or take a step. I know financial reversal and stress, I know the feeling of being betrayed by a friend, I know the feeling of abandonment by "Christians", I know the pain of harsh words spoken by family or friends who are supposed to love you, I know the pain of death. And yet, there are people out there who are hurting in ways which I have not experienced! Pain is abundant in this world and all of it can be crippling, it can take your breath away, leaving you weak and dizzy - both literally and figuratively. How dare we judge one another for their response to church, or preaching, or anything? We have no idea what someone else is going through, and if we do know, shouldn't that make us that much more understanding and compassionate? I would hope so.

Tonight, I sat in my place, barely able to hold up my head. I could barely move one foot in front of the other. I thought of my home pastor's words, and the truth of them rang inside me. "This is what he meant. I hope that no one is judging me now. And I hope I never judge anyone else again!" Pain, of any kind, can be debilitating - for a time. With Christ beside me, I can keep going. I can, if at times falteringly, hold my head up. I can put one foot in front of the other. I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me.(Phil.4:13)